What? People read my blog? I don't think this person will see my responses in the comments, so here's a post about it. I apologize for the late reply - nobody checks this blog very often, myself included.
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> Your words, so causally tossed on the page, letting them fall not unlike the remnants of confetti left to clean up after all the guests have gone home, seem to indicate that you have no responsibility in this destruction of another’s heart.
I don't recall denying any sort of responsibility for hurting him. It was a really tough decision to make, but it's easily better for the both of us. Would you suggest I get back together with him and then force myself to fall in love with him? I'm not sure if it works that way.
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> Think back to all of the things you said and did to encourage him. Think back to the mistakes you made, and then went begging for his forgiveness. If you had no intention of loving him, then why did the words drip from your tongue, like a slow working poison that would blacken his heart, albeit a small section?
Given that you're a friend of his, I'm sure that the story is skewed in his favor. I understand the bias and I won't dismiss it, but perhaps you want some clarification from my end.
1. I had tried to end things several times, early on. I made it very clear in the beginning that I wasn't looking for a very serious relationship. I was still thinking about my ex-boyfriend. I'm not trying to blame him for anything. At all. Simply, he took what we had together and molded it into what he desired it to be. I was unable to reciprocate this emotion.
2. The mistakes I made were clear indications that I wasn't ready for a full-fledged relationship with him. Perhaps if we were stronger individuals, things would have ended sooner and we would've been able to walk away from the situation with less drama.
3. I did love him, but perhaps not in a way that he wanted. He's a very caring person and I was very grateful for it. He's courteous and he always put my wants first. It's hard not to appreciate this kind of chivalrous behavior. This gratitude for his actions - is that not love? I had never been with someone as accommodating as him. It was a new sensation to be treated so royally. If I had mistaken that sensation for love, then it is completely my wrongdoing.
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> You need to be more aware of the actions you take, as the world does not revolve around you and your trite blog. Our actions, thoughts and words mold others around us. If you only care about yourself, and what gains you can obtain, without others in mind, you will only make this a very ugly place to live.
I don't recall claiming that the world revolves around me nor my (hey, it's not trite!) blog. I think it might be a little difficult for you to accuse me of this, given that we've probably had minimal interaction with one another and you already have a biased animosity against me. I won't try to qualify myself, seeing as how you are anonymous and I do not know if this will matter to you or even reach you.
But what I will say is that what I did to him was a much better decision than leading him further into what would be a failed relationship. I was not into him as much as he was into me. I did not see a long-term future with him. Certainly I've hurt him now, but how much would it have pained him had I done it later?
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> Yes, it is true that he is better off without you, but can you say the same?
Yes.
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> Reflection and growth should always come when a relationship ends, but your list is nothing but a joke. How can you possibly think that you can choose another partner, when you still carry the drug of another in your blood?
Wait, what? It's solid advice. When did I suggest to find someone new while "carry[ing] the drug of another in your blood"? That's actually almost exactly what I did with him and I've found it to be a grave mistake. Why would I encourage that kind of behavior, especially given the outcome?
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> You are a junkie, a junkie pining away for the rush of more pain.
YEAH, PAIN, FUCK YEEEEEEEEAH.
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> The sweet “nice” boy, who according to you, has no personality, would clearly be a step up from someone who has treated you so poorly, and has left you shattered.
I think you're referencing the following quotes:
"They aren't getting laid - and this isn't because "girls only like jerks," but because the "nice guy" is usually heartbreakingly bland."
"Guess what, you twat: any "jerk" would willingly do that for her, too. The difference is that the "jerk" probably has a personality."
First of all, he's a funny and caring guy. However, this wasn't enough to provide a constant flow of electricity in our relationship. I wasn't feeling any chemistry. I didn't mean to say that he lacks a personality, simply that it didn't mesh well with mine.
Second of all, it's devastatingly simple to focus on one's bad qualities when trying to prove a point. Yes, my ex-boyfriend and I had our major downs - but what relationship doesn't? What he probably didn't tell you is that my ex-boyfriend and I were absolutely in love for almost two years. We were crazy about each other from the beginning. We could not keep our hands off of each other. Yes, he left me for shitty reasons. Yes, he treated me poorly at times. Yes, he was sometimes immature and juvenile. However, this does not change the fact that our feelings towards each other made me feel like I was in heaven. These feelings were not recreated when I was with your friend.
Also, content bias - why would I talk to him about the good times my ex-boyfriend and I shared? And even though I drenched him with all of my negative emotions against my ex-boyfriend (I wasn't over him, dude), I'd still keep it fair. Every time my ex-boyfriend was mentioned, I would always preface it with something along the lines of, "he's a good guy and all, he just needs time to mature."
How can you tell me that it's "clearly a step up" when the emotions I felt towards him were no where near the emotions I felt towards my ex-boyfriend? To be honest, this type of attitude is what kept me with him for so long. Everybody told me that he's a keeper. And that he is a much better boyfriend because he treated me infinitely better. So for the sake of democracy, I decided to stay with him, in spite of the lack of chemistry. As I had said earlier, I have never been with someone as sweet as your friend, so I was unsure about how I was supposed to feel. If it was love, it was easily a platonic love.
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> He will recover, and I am quite sure that in a couple of months, we will only be laughing at your expense, and about how foolish you really were.
So long as he's happy and smiling again, my shame is not concerned. By this point, I'm sure we'll have both found romantic partners that are more suitable for our respective interests.
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> I doubt you will, but I hope you have learned a lesson as well.
I've listed ten. And thanks for your feedback.
